i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You smell like stripper and shame
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
