our cab driver is having phone sex.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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