What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize