my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
