My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize