Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You were trust falling into bushes
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
