flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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