I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
