your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
