Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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