When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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