I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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