hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
