I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
