lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
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I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
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And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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