You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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