ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
