god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
