arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
