Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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