I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
