We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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