i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
