Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
