you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
