Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
