When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
