I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
