hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
