we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
