i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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