I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
