I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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