you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
