don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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