I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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