Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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