Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
