Don't make out with my wife yet
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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