There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
lol hangovers are for mortals.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
