i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
