no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
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By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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