your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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