I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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