Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Randomize
