can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
