so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
