The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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