so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
