Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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