I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
