Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
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