That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
