I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you traded sex for a burrito?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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