I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
