I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
