Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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