hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
