While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Randomize
