My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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