So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
