Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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