I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Operation Purity has been aborted
Dignity is for republicans.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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