apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I am midnight drunk by noon
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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