I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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