By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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