ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Randomize
