Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
