U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
