I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
