After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
